Manav Raj, Dworken & Bernstein Co., L.P.A.
Manu Raj practices domestic relations, family and juvenile law. He is a founding member and former president of the Center for Principled Family Advocacy. Mr. Raj is also an active presenter at numerous seminars on topics related to domestic relations and juvenile law in Ohio. He can be reached at 440-352-3391 and mraj@dworken-bernstein.com


Most people facing the end of their marriage assume they are about to engage in a war. We all know an aunt, uncle, friend or parent who has been through an ugly divorce which took years and years, cost thousands of dollars and financially destroyed the entire family.

What these people don’t talk about is the emotional trauma, the non-economic cost, of that courtroom battle. They don’t mention the irreparable damage that they caused their children, families, friends and, most of all, themselves.

It is commonly quoted that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. If this is a reality of our society today, shouldn’t there be an alternative to how we end our marriages? We teach our children life lessons through our actions. What lessons are we teaching when we go to “war” with the mother or father of that child?

Empowering alternatives to litigation in family disputes

There are alternative to the ugly, contentious and divisive litigated divorce. These are generally referred to as Alternate Dispute Resolution (ADR) methods.

The different methodologies of ADR as they apply to Family Law include

While each of these processes is distinct, they have important similarities. All are designed to avoid the high emotional and financial costs of litigated divorce. All are time-tested and court-approved methods for ending marriage and settling parenting issues.

All, to varying degrees, gives back to clients what they lose in litigation: control over their lives and futures.

More control over schedule, process, cost and the future

The closer you come to litigation, the more control a couple gives a third party to make important decisions for them. By choosing an alternate process, spouses and parents maintain control over how long their divorce will take and how much their divorce will cost in legal fees. Most importantly, they maintain control over how they choose to behave and conduct themselves during this tumultuous time of their lives.

By choosing the process through which difficult divorce and custody conversations will take place, individuals find they retain more independence, knowledge, accountability and peace of mind. They find they are more able to create the best possible future for themselves and their children.

A continuum of alternatives

Mediation, Collaboration, Principled Negotiation, Facilitated Negotiation and Arbitration are best understood as being on a continuum. Collaboration, discussed in the next section, is the farthest from litigation. Arbitration is the closest.

Mediation is participant driven. The husband and wife sit down with a trained family law mediator. This person helps them define their interests and arrive at mutually beneficial resolutions.

Generally, mediations are conducted without attorneys. In fact, it is common for families in mediation to consult with an attorney only after the principles of a settlement are already defined. The role of the mediator is not to give solutions or answers to the participants, but to help them use proven methods to resolve their issues.

Principled Negotiation and Facilitated Negotiation sit between mediation and arbitration. These two processes call for the ongoing involvement of husband and wife. The attorneys play complementary and somewhat fluid roles.

There may be meetings conducted with all four people (husband, wife and both of their lawyers) and some between only the attorneys. Should an impasse be reached, a neutral third-party can be brought in to facilitate the negotiations.

Arbitration is the opposite of mediation. The parties take a back seat while lawyers essentially try their case before a neutral third-party. This is a less formal and more efficient private form of dispute resolution than trial.

Through their respective counsel, each side chooses an arbitrator who listens to their disputed issues and analyzes the presented evidence. At the conclusion of each party’s presentation, the arbitrator issues a decision. Depending upon the style of arbitration, this decision could be binding or non-binding.

Collaboration’s higher commitment to settle without litigation

In mediation, arbitration, principled negotiation and facilitated negotiation the participants can go to court and litigate should a complete resolution not be reached. In collaboration, the attorneys agree to resign if the couple decides to litigate their differences.

In a collaborative process, the clients and their attorneys meet in four-way meetings designed to provide complete transparency over the entire process. All financial information can be freely exchanged without fear or apprehension that the other will manipulate the disclosure.

This is because all of the participants agree at the outset that should the matter go to litigation, the collaborative attorneys will terminate their representation. It is this disqualification which defines the integrity of the collaborative Process. All of the participants have as much to lose as the other in the event resolution is not reached.

There is nothing gained by manipulation, deception, or the proverbial cheap shot! When one party misbehaves, there is full accountability within the collaborative process—not to a Judge, but to each other.

Apprehension is normal

It is normal for people contemplating divorce to feel hurt, confused, scared and angry. Eventually all divorcing couples find that what they truly wish to do is get on with their lives. The divorcing process is a necessary evil to reach that goal.

If divorce is unavoidable, why not choose a process which allows for the most constructive solution rather than a destructive conclusion? ADR is not for everyone. However, for the vast majority of family law matters, alternatives to litigation are effective and efficient methods to resolving distasteful issues.