Carol Rogers Hilliard is a member of the Center for Principled Family Advocacy and committed to using collaborative methods to help people through the divorce process. You can reach her at (440) 826-1250 or at chilliardlaw@sbcglobal.net. For more information go to www.hilliardlaw.com.


So, you want to do your own divorce without a lawyer? Certainly, you can do your own divorce—just like you can sell your own house without a realtor, invest your money without a financial planner, do your taxes without an accountant and have your babies without a doctor.

However, in a court room you are held to the same standards and knowledge as the professionals. Some divorces can be quite simple, especially if you have few assets, no debt or children, are capable of your own support and both of you want the divorce. How many people really meet these criteria?

What usually happens is that one of you wants a divorce. The other is still reeling from the news that the marriage is over. Doing your own divorce in this situation is fraught with problems for both of you, but especially for the one who doesn't want it. They will either resist rational requests or duties resulting in foreclosures and repossessions or will agree to anything just to get it over with—resulting in an unfair court order.

An attempt to use one lawyer is almost as bad. One lawyer can only represent ONE of you. The other spouse is on their own. Guess who is the one most likely to come out short?

Divorce is complex

Divorce is one of the most complicated areas of the law. Your separate property is not part of the marital estate, which must be divided in an equitable manner. Pre-tax assets such as pensions have to be calculated and divided separately from taxed assets such as the house. All of your assets must be appraised and evaluated for a fair-market or present-day value. The debts have to be similarly divided.

For starters, you have to be good at math, have an understanding of what are the assets and how to determine what kind of assets you own.

Second, you better have an understanding of your reaction under stress. Divorce is way up there on the stress meter. Most people are unable to make good decisions during times of stress.

Remember the kids and their future

Don't forget about the children. How are they are going to share their time during these priceless formative years between you and their other parent? Who's going to support them, provide health insurance, pay day care and get the tax exemption? How do you use the child support worksheet to calculate child support if you don't know how these factors interact?

A divorce—even a nice, civilized and no-fault dissolution—determines the financial future for you and your children for the rest of your lives. Don't forget you are negotiating all these issues during a time of high stress.

Using lawyers is the right thing to do, especially those trained in collaborative law or other non-court processes that allow you to participate and be creative in doing your divorce. Experienced attorneys can help you maintain the control you desire, keep your costs down and make sure that all your issues are addressed properly and legally.

Don't do your own divorce without them!